Most of us have experienced any number of hurts throughout our life. For some, it was a family that was verbally, physically, or spiritually abusive.  Perhaps it came from an authority figure or a situation that blindsided you. Perhaps you are experiencing some right now. Here is how to handle hurts in a Biblical and successful way.

1. Go to God.

Is this overly simplistic?  Perhaps it is, but it is always the right place to go.  Pray.  “This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.”  Seek God.  Ask Him  for wisdom (James 1:5). Get in His Word and let it help you to think correctly and truthfully. Philippians 4 teaches us to think on things that are true, honest, just, lovely, pure, and of good report.  When you have been hurt, staying focused on the truth can make a huge difference.  You can make your hurts the focal point of your life or you can think truth!  You are not defined by your hurt. You are loved by God. You are important to him.  You were done wrong, but He is able to help you to overcome that and to put that behind you. That is the truth!  

2. Go to forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a matter of “releasing a debt.”  When someone hurts us in some way, they owe us because of that hurt.  Forgiveness occurs when I realize that the one who hurt me can likely never pay the debt they owe. Therefore, instead of living under the weight of that debt, I release it.  I let it go, if you will!  The wrong is still wrong.  My eyes may fill with tears when I remember the wrong.  The memory may sting for a long time.  Forgiveness, however, allows me to move beyond the hurt so that I am no longer controlled by the payment I am owed.  I am free to move on and to overcome.  Meditate on Ephesians 4:31-32 where we are reminded to be kind and to forgive one another like God has forgiven us through Jesus Christ!

3. Go to those who have wronged you.

This is a tough one.  When we have been done wrong, it is usually right to go to that person. We should be wise in how we go.  Do so with humility, grace, and gentleness.  Tell your story and give an opportunity for things to be corrected.  It may be wise to make an appointment and make the subject matter known in advance. Keep the appointment and, as much as possible, tell the story without making accusations.  End the appointment with some questions.  Will you pray about this?  Will you think about this and about how we could correct this so I can move on and be free? Can we meet again in a few days?  Asking questions and giving them time will not only allow them to think but will also allow the Spirit of God to work in their heart.  How we go to them is important, but why we go is too.  Going to one who has wronged me should be for the purposes of helping me to be right, of helping them to be right, and of helping our relationship to be mended. 

4. Go to forgetfulness.

Forgetfulness simply means that I act as if nothing ever happened. It means that I restore broken relationships if at all possible. It means that I stop dwelling on this matter and I stop bringing it up! This will take some time as my heart heals. It will also take the work of the Spirit of God because none of us can do this alone.  

5. Go for help.

When life brings hurts you may need to go for help!  Maybe you are just not able to overcome bitterness.  Maybe you cannot seem to resolve things on your own.  Perhaps you are just at “wit’s end” and don’t know what to do.  Go for help.  Get to a counselor.  Locate a resource that addresses your situation.  Talk to someone you trust who can help you. If it involves a matter that is illegal, go to the authorities as well.  Go for help!

You can handle hurts in a Biblical and successful way. I pray that you will.  Reach out if I can help you.  I would be glad to do so.  

Thanks for reading.

Your sincere friend,

Dave Young