Mention mentoring around younger guys and their eyes will almost always light up with hope.  It is my experience that younger people really do want someone in their lives to whom they can look for conversations, wisdom, encouragement, and answers. As a whole, our generation wants to be mentored and influenced.    Last week I wrote to those who are older.  This week I want to offer some thoughts to you that are younger.

1. Remember that kindness and respect go a long way when you are interacting with those who are older.

Kindness and respect are always in order. “Be ye kind one to another” (Ephesians 4:31), is how Paul said it to the church at Ephesus. You don’t have to agree with everything someone says, but you do have to be kind!  You do have to show respect.  We do that when we use a title rather than a familiar greeting.  Referring to someone as “Mister so and so” or “Pastor so and so” does show respect.  My rule of thumb has always been to use a title until or unless they ask me to do otherwise.  Although I am very comfortable being called “Dave,” I am also very aware of the respect that is shown to me when someone uses a title!  Those who are older have likely been taught to think differently about this than you who are younger.  So showing kindness and respect will make a huge difference!

2. Remember to show gratitude to those who invest in you. 

Gratitude is often missing in our culture – and it is true across the board.  I had a meal many years ago with an older man who had helped some younger men in their ministry.  He mentioned to me that several of them had never sent him a note of thanks.  They were wrong and that was a failure on their part.  Oddly enough, some time later I bought him a very nice gift and the did not send a thank you note either.  So it does go both ways.  Still, showing gratitude is huge.  Show it in your spirit.  Say it.  Write it.  After all, life is busy for all of us, and when someone takes personal time to invest in you, make sure they know of your gratitude in a definite way. 

3. Remember to ask questions and listen.

Communication is such a wonderful gift from God.  Texting, messaging, and emailing are awesome technology, but are not always the best means of communication. The best means are face-to-face.  Learn to ask questions and listen politely.  If possible, turn disagreements into questions that lead to further discussions.  Never react and don’t make accusations.  Listen and learn! Sometimes the best response is to simply “let it go.”  Even when you aren’t sure you agree, listen carefully and ask questions that will help you to understand why older folks think as they do and what has influenced them in that direction.  It is always okay to disagree and have a different opinion, but do everything in your power to understand those with whom you disagree. 

4. Remember to give grace.

This is huge!  All of us need grace and all of us need to learn to give it to others as well.  Do you know what I mean by that?  We give grace when we practice1 Corinthians 13 – with the love that thinks no evil!  We give grace when we refuse to judge another’s motives.  I may disagree with someone’s positions or actions, but I cannot know their motives behind those positions and actions. After all the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked and only God can “search” it accurately (Jeremiah 17:9-10).  I had a very close acquaintance that actually believed he was “gifted” to know “why” people did the things they did and why they said the things they said.  His subsequent refusal to give grace has cost him many, many good relationships. Don’t be that person.  

5. Remember that those who are older are real people!  

They have some successes and also some failures. They have regrets and struggles.  They can be “down” and “hurt” just as easily as you can.  They have “feelings” too.  They may seem untouchable and uncaring, but many of them really do want to be a blessing to you. They not only want your respect, they also want to be your encourager.  Treat them like the “real” people they are.  Love them.  Encourage them.  Praise them.  Who knows? You may find a really great friend in the process.  

6.  Remember that mentorship happens on purpose. 

So look for mentors.  It may be an older family member.  It may be a pastor. It may be someone who is a leader where you work.  Request a time (or times) to meet with them and to learn from them. Come prepared with questions to ask.  Set a time when you will arrive and when you plan to depart.  Turn off your phone (and your smart watch) and focus on the conversation with them.  Keep a note pad, and as they talk, write things that come to your mind. Write the good points they make.  Write the “stuff” you didn’t know.  Write questions that cross your mind during the conversation.  Doing these things will make the mentorship process a blessing on both sides.  

I am sure there would be many more things that could be said about this kind of relationship.  In fact, I would enjoy hearing from you as to what you think.  I look forward to that. 

Thanks for reading.

Your sincere friend,

Dave Young