“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Last week I wrote an article about the debate surrounding Proverbs 22:6.  If you would like to read that article you can do so (HERE).  It was in my heart to evaluate why there was a debate, offer some reasons why I disagree or think differently than many do, and challenge parents to consider the encouragement of the truth taught in this verse.  Which brings up the question: what is the truth that it teaches?

Let’s begin by considering the intended audience.  Solomon was not writing to parents who have adult children who have failed.  This surely needs addressing, but this verse was not written for that reason.  It does happen, and our hearts always go out to families and people who are struggling.  It is not the point here though.  In this verse Solomon is writing to address parents who are still raising their children.  And what an incredible encouragement it is!

Solomon reminds us that we must TRAIN our children.  The word is rather pregnant with meaning. It has these ideas: to dedicate, to fence, to aim, to direct.  We are to dedicate ourselves to preparing our children for adulthood and we are to dedicate them to “the way [they] should go.”  It seems to carry the idea of Psalm 127:4: “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.” We have to know what is right and where our children should be when they become adults and we have to “aim” them in that direction.  We have to build fences to protect them on their journey and we have to direct them every step of the way.

It is certainly a key word for parents.  We have to train our children to obey. We reprove and correct. We encourage and strengthen and direct.  We have to train them in the truths of the Word of God (see Deuteronomy 6)  and do it so diligently that it becomes who they are (it is their “heart” and governs their thoughts, their emotions, and their decisions – cf. Psalm 119:9-11).  It leads them, keeps them, and speaks to them (compare Proverbs 6:20-23).  What an awesome word!  

Whatever else we do as parents, we must diligently train our children.  Is it hard? No doubt.  Our children have a sin-nature, a self-will, and a free-will, and, left to themselves, will bring shame (cf. Proverbs 29:15).  Does it take a lot of work? Of course.  Does it take a lot of time? Yes it does, usually 16-20 years!  God entrusts us with the first 1/3 to 1/5 of their lives.  How amazing is that?

Solomon also reminds us that we must train them IN A SPECIFIC WAY (i.e. “the way he should go”).  There is a right way and a wrong way and we must train our children in the right way.  I personally believe that he makes the point that each child must be trained individually.  Each of our 5 are unique in their gifts, their strengths, their weaknesses, and their besetting sins. Some things are just true across the board.  Disobedience has to be corrected.  Lessons have to be taught and repeated over and over again until they are learned.  However, Bethlie and I worked diligently to know each of our children well enough to tailor our training to them as needed.  One child may be “easier” (thank God for that everyday) but still must be trained.  They have weaknesses as well as their siblings.  Another child may be more stubborn and will require much effort in order to overcome that. Either way, parents have to train.

Finally, Solomon reminds us that our training has two goals: to develop their appetites and to direct their “adulting”.  The phrase “in the way he should go” does carry the idea of “the mouth.”  It seems a bit odd at first (the idea of the mouth), but it actually is a wonderful way to illustrate the point of the verse. The mouth often refers to the beginning. What a reminder to get started as soon as possible. Don’t laugh at rebellion and stubbornness.  Correct it as soon as possible, the sooner the better.  It is much easier to correct an error in a toddler than it is to correct the same error in a teenager. So start at the beginning.  The word mouth also reminds us of the ending.  The “mouth’ of the mighty Mississippi River is where it ends at the Gulf of Mexico.  Perhaps this is to remind us that our goal is to train them to adulthood (more about that in a moment). The word mouth surely refers to our children’s appetites.  We must develop in our children an appetite for the right things.  It is very easy to allow them to have an appetite for worldly and carnal things. It may be that we allow entertainment or sports or friends (or something similar) to become the appetite of their lives instead of giving them an appetite for truth and righteousness and holiness.  We have to be continually on guard lest we fail in this area.  

What is our final goal as parents?  Our final goal is to prepare our children for successful adulting.  Parental training is a key part of God’s plan to prepare our children to be adults who go in the right way.  What a job He has entrusted to us!  No wonder the world, the flesh, and the devil attack this area so vehemently. Our children and their future are at stake.

So how do you view this verse?  Is it a Bible promise, a generalized Proverb, or just a warning? Perhaps it is all three. All of us will likely have an opinion and we could discuss it for hours.  May I kindly and gently encourage all of us not to miss the truth it contains in our discussions.  We must train our children. Their appetites and their adulting depend on it!

As always, thanks for reading.

Your sincere friend,

Dave Young