“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

If you have been around much at all, you will find that Proverbs 22:6 is one hotly-contested verse.  Its debate shows up on social media and in our family conferences and in normal conversations with believers everywhere. I know a Bible College professor who will argue all day that the verse does not promise any outcome of any kind and that it is unBiblical to teach that it does.  I have received private messages from many who agree with him. I have even lost a “meeting” because of Proverbs 22:6.  A pastor wrote to me and inquired as to my position on this verse. When I answered, he canceled my meeting, because “he knew too many great parents whose kids were spiritual failures and he didn’t want to discourage them any more than they already were!”  So what is the issue with this verse and why is it such a big deal? And what does it even mean anyway?  

To begin with, why is there such a debate?  That is a great question and I believe the answer is three-fold:  

First, there is a view that Proverbs is only a collection of general statements that are only generally true.  They are not promises from God, this view says, but are just a collection of good sayings. In my opinion, this view seems to ignore that the Proverbs are actually the inspired words of the Holy Spirit through the wisest man who ever lived.  Solomon is not just sharing his wisdom to parents, he is sharing God’s wisdom to parents! Because I believe this, it changes my entire outlook on this verse.  

Next, many approach the verse from their personal experience (or from the experiences of someone they know).  The most discouraging sermon I ever heard (as a parent) was one that sarcastically undermined the use of Proverbs 22:6 as a guide for parents.  The preacher taught that “training is fine” and that “parents should do it,”  but “the outcome has nothing to do with the parenting.”  He even taught that “God failed as a parent, so what makes you think you can do better than God.”  I discovered several years later (and I say this gently) that this man had a son who was not only far from God, but was actually in prison for some really terrible crimes.  His experience, and the pain that accompanied it, lead to his attack on the idea that training makes the difference in parenting.  Many follow such teaching and will undermine Proverbs 22:6 based on either their own experiences or the experiences of others whom they know. I love this brother and I hurt for his pain, but I also believe he is unwise to allow experience to define the meaning of a text. 

The third reason for the debate, is that many do not want to live under the burden that training is essential to the well-being and success of our children.  It is far easier to embrace the latest teaching on parenting (whether it is Freudian or “gentle parenting” or whatever is new and enticing and “cool”) rather than to accept the responsibility of teaching and training.  After all, parenting is hard work and there could be comfort in the idea that we have nothing to do with the success or failure of our children! My contention is that this is a wrong view and that Proverbs 22:6 is a very encouraging and instructive verse for parents who are raising children!  

Is there any validity to the idea that the Proverbs are not promises, but are, well  . . .  just proverbs? Perhaps so, although sometimes we are just dealing with semantics (and maybe a little pride in wanting our position to be acceptable). All of us have to be on guard there and share our views with humility. Some of my friends will go to the Proverb that states that a young person who refuses to obey and honor parents will have their eyes plucked out by ravens and eaten by eagles! And yes, that is a verse (see Proverbs 30:17).  Is that a promise?  Well, obviously not literally!  Ravens and eagles don’t attack and eat the eyes of rebellious children.  However this is a truth (a promise? a warning? an expected outcome?) that very negative things happen when one is a rebel. He loses his ability to “see!”  Here is another way of saying it: without “sight” she loses her direction, discernment, and defense.  Anyone who has worked with young people could easily give an illustration of that very thing happening to a rebel. We all know of a rebel who cannot discern right from wrong, who has no idea which way to turn, and is constantly defeated by the attacks of sin! Call it what you will, but the outcome is undeniable. Is there a possibliity then that Proverbs 22:6 is not a guaranteed promise? Perhaps, if the emphasis is on the word guaranteed.  As I will explain below, there is alot that must be taken into consideration. However, based on the simple point of the text (which I will cover in Part 2) training does include (and even demands) a very specific and expected outcome!

The truth of Proberbs 22:6 is unchanging, but the outcome is conditional on a variety of factors.  It is conditional on the training.  We cannot expect our children to raise themselves!  We should, however, expect that training will absolutely make a difference in both their appetite and their adulting (as is clearly taught in the verse).  All parents fail in one way or the other, so that must be taken into account as well. No perfect parents exist!  There is no parent who prayed as often as they should or who consistently disciplined every time or who always pointed their children in the right direct. That alone could explain why sometimes our adult children evidence habits and behaviors that aren’t right! It is also true that the one being trained has a sin-nature and a free-will, so that can be taken into account as well. Interestingly enough, this is the reason we have the verse in the first place. Because our kids have a sin-nature and a free-will, we must train them lest they bring shame to us and destruction to themselves. If we leave them to themselves, the outcome is disastrous, and can even lead them to hell (Proverbs 29:15; 23:14) – apart from a divine miracle of the gospel and the grace of God, of course!  And all of us praise God for the gospel and for Amazing Grace. Right?  Even a child who is untrained, can become a recipient of the grace of God and the sanctifying work of the Spirit of God.  When that happens, we rejoice with “joy unspeakable and full of glory” that God is “able to save to the uttermost” those who come to Him through Christ.  The damage of sin, however, can still negatively affect them in dozens of ways. God’s plan is better!  As parents let’s get our children on the right path before sin’s disastrous effects become the testimony of their lives.

So, if you believe that this is a promise from God, then train your children in such a way that their appetites and their adulting are impacted all the days of their lives! If you believe this verse is just a wise saying of general truth, then I challenge you to recognize it as a wise saying from the wisest man who ever lived who was writing by Divine Inspiration, and go to work to accomplish the goal of training your children so their appetites and their adulting are impacted all the days of their livesl.  No matter the position we take, don’t all of us want the outcome listed here?  Don’t we want our kids to have an appetite for righteousness and eternal things?  Don’t we want our children to continue in the paths of righteousness all the days of their lives?  I know that we do.  Then, let’s think about what we can learn from Proverbs 22:6 and how we can apply it to our lives.  And for that, you will have to read Part 2!

Thanks for reading.

Your sincere friend,

Dave Young