Tomorrow Bethlie Joy and I celebrate 30 years of marriage.  Last night we laughed at how fast the time has flown!  And it really has.  This morning I spend some time thinking about how we got here! We are in love. I joke that we are trying to set the world record for the longest honeymoon, and so far so good. We are 30 years in and have five honeymoon babies!  We are still having fun. We are still happy.  Here are 6 words that I believe have helped us get here:

1. Learn.  We have continued to learn and grow.  We decided to find “elders” who had what we wanted and to learn from them.  We listened to our parents and even asked them for advice along the way.  We observed older couples and listened to them and emulated them.  We listened to the teaching of those whose marriages were examples of what we wanted in ours and we thank God for the influence of these dear couples.  Our friends Pat and Susie Dalporto, Bethlie’s parents, my parents, Dave and Anna Teis, and many, many others have all taught us by word and by example.  We thank God for them.
2. Time.  Bethlie and I have continued to invest in our marriage, day after day and month after month and year after year.  We have often taken the time to write love letters, plan get-aways, and, yes, even work through challenges.  We have stopped often to touch and kiss and hug.  We have planned dates. We have walked many miles together. We have served God together.  And the investment of time has paid off!
3. Talk.  This is a big one and also one that we have had to continually work on.  We have to connect to each other with our words.  We have to put down phones and turn off TVs.  We have to look at teach other and listen to each other. We have to practice humility, gentleness, patience, and love.  We have to talk . . . about the kids and our marriage and our money and our God and our walk with Him. We have to talk . . . about our differences and our difficulties and our hurts and our pains. We have to talk  . . . about each other and about our desires and our needs and our longings.  We have to talk.  Doing so has been a wonderful part of our years together. 
4. Solve.  Bethlie and I have learned to solve every problem. Often, we can do so simply by communication.  We communicate and listen and keep doing so until we both understand each other’s viewpoint and accept each other.  We keep doing so until we have made our “wrongs” right!  We have even asked for help along the way, and in doing so, have discovered that others have faced the same challenges we have faced and have also found ways to solve them and work through them.  How thankful we are for good counsel and that God has enabled us to solve every conflict we have ever faced!
5. Love.  I guess I could have put this one at the top.  Love is important!  We say it. Often and in as many ways as possible. We show it.  We try to speak each others “love language” (Bethlie is multi-lingual, I might add!).  We sustain it.  We work to keep it fresh and to stay excited about each other. We shout it. Our love is “louder” than any argument or disagreement or difficult time.  Sometimes we have solved our “conflicts” by appealing to love.  Sometimes we weren’t sure who was right or how to “figure it out,” but we we were sure that we loved each other no matter what. So we said so and believed so and moved on!  Love is essential.
6. Commitment.  Through these entire 30 years, we have been committed – to God, to each other, to our family, and to serving God together. When we faced uncertainties (and we all do), we reaffirmed our commitment.  When we faced losses, we did the same. When we faced pressures and hurts and disappointments, we were committed and made sure the other knew it.  Commitment will take us into however many years are left.  We will eventually get old (although we will always be YOUNG), and even there we will be committed.  It works and it is essential.

So there you have it.  That is how we turned 30 years into a really great marriage!

Happy Anniversary my love.

Thanks for reading,

Dave